Reflection

Reflection is not only not valued in our society, but is viewed as neither functional nor productive. We all heard Sarah Palin extolling the fact that she "didn't blink" when offered the vice-president candidacy. Students taking SAT''s and writing essays in 20 minutes lose points if they take the time to think about the question. One certainly cannot pause to think when playing video games. Superficial and quick responses — soundbites and one-liners — are memorable and make the speaker sound intelligent and decisive. Hesitation looks weak; some believe that to pause before answering looks less than honest.

As therapists, one of our main tasks is to teach people how to reflect. When we ask a question, we are often looking for the answer that is not known, and not readily available to the conscious mind. If I ask a question and the response is a (seemingly unrelated) story, I know I am onto an association that might not yet be fully conscious, and which might lead us into new territory. The response "I don't know." is a starting point, not a dead end.

When patients develop the ability to reflect instead of to react, they are no longer ruled by their emotions. The creation of a space between the stimulus and the response, to use the language of behaviorists, is the window through which the observing ego can gaze. In this time, in the therapy hour, spontaneous associations can lead to epiphanies.